Welcome back, GOT fans. It seems that winter is coming to an end and the dawn has come. Let's bury our dead and move south. Here's what happened this week.
Not Fucking Today
Screw Dany. Screw Jon. The only true Queen of Westeros is Arya Stark. Stay safe, girlfriend. Your purpose as we know it has been served and we NEED YOU.
No Ice Spiders; They Blew the Whole Budget on Ghost
Joking, joking. Still, I was excited about ice spiders, and even more excited to see Ghost. And then he just... OK? Shots from the 'next time' segment show our favorite pupper in the background, so he survived. And speaking of surviving pets, Rhaegal was confirmed to have also made it out alright, despite his rough landing.
The Crypts Were SO Not Safe
What did I tell you? I just want to brag that I predicted this WAYYYY back when the first trailer was released, nbd. The only thing that made me sad was the fact that the dead Starks did not rise from their graves and come to the aid of Winterfell. Can you imagine? Spread the word that the body of Robb was returned to the home of his fathers, then see his body with Grey Wind's head stepping in to save Sansa? C'mon.
Also, raise your hand if you thought Sansa was going to pull a The Gal Who Got Rattled? I can imagine that might be preferable to being killed by her dead relatives. Also, is Rickon in that crypt because... yikes.
Melisandre is Melisgondra
We knew she had an important role to play, but who could have imagined this? And why did she have to walk out and die? Was she just done with her purpose? Maybe we'll know more. Or maybe that's all we get to know of her strange, strange tale.
I Was So Wrong About Death
My predictions from last week got Not Today'd most severely. It looks like the writers threw the Grey Worm and Messandei scene in there to fuck with us. Brienne made it to her second day of knighthood. Gendry and Arya are gonna do BIG SMOOCHES next episode. Even Bran survived. The only one I seem to have gotten right was Theon. But hey, he was a good man and he got his redemption. Oh, and Beric, but I heard that guy was already dead anyway?
(Image courtesy of @aagjjo)
The Death of Clan Bear
Jorah's gone. Lyanna is gone. But she pulled a Peregrin Took and took out a giant before she fell (and rose again) and that's all we can ask for. And Jorah, of course, returned to save his queen. Honorable deaths.
Edd flew so under my radar last week, I didn't even make a prediction, but his death in this episode made me think about something: the Night's Watch is basically gone (including their short-lived 999th commander, RIP). Do we need a Night's Watch anymore?
What was up with Bran and the crows? - So, it was cool to see that he could warg into multiple animals at once. We have precedent for people have multiple animals, but not using them all at the same time. Scanning the battlefield, he didn't relay any important information to those fighting, so... what was up with that?
(Um, OK, bye)The Night King was a secret Targ - Dude got lit on fire-- DRAGON FIRE-- and survived. Don't try to bullshit me, writers, and say it was all Night King magic. He's a Targ. But which one? If I'm not mistaken, the Children of the Forest made the White Walkers from the First Men long before the Targaryens came to Westeros from Valyria, and the only Targ we know who went North of the Wall was Bloodraven. Of course, there's no saying the Night King was the first White Walker. He could very well have just been their leader. I guess we're going to have to wait for the next book to come out. Or until Sam Tarly finds a convenient book in the citadel to share with us the answer.
Sansa and Tyrion? - "You were the best of them," she said, but she also decided there was no way they were going to get remarried. But then, in the crypt, didn't it seem like they had a bit of a mo? Can you see Tyrion and Sansa ruling Winterfell together, with peace and respect towards one another? I can.
CLEG.ANE.BOWL - Get hype. She's comin'.
There's like, ten people left in Winterfell - So how are we going to take King's Landing? I can't imagine it's going to be with an actual battle, battle. Maybe some espionage? Maybe Cersei will have a heart attack? Or maybe she'll get assassinated by our favorite boss ass bitch. @Mykelbankz on Twitter made a pretty interesting case for it:
What do YOU think will happen in the final three episodes of Game of Thrones? Let us know in the comments below or on social media. And hey, I think we could all use a drink after today.
Take a gander at our collection of Game of Thrones engravable drinking horns. I promise you won't have to turn up the brightness on your TV to see their gorgeous details.